Men: Know Thy Sports

Guys, in the workplace you are expected to know at least a little something about one of the top 3 sports: Football, Baseball, Basketball.


Fuck Hockey. This isn’t Canada, and don’t even get me started on soccer. If you want to seem euro-trash trendy, I guess you could drop some pearls of wisdom about Man U or Juventus, but you better start wearing scarves indoors and smoking 100s cigarettes to complete the transformation. Then do us all a favor and go kick your own ass. Knowing sports makes you more of a man and it is the best casual conversation subject available in the otherwise boring work environment.

Political discussions are pointless. I have yet to see someone change another’s mind on a political discussion, and religion is like arguing about rainbows. If you work in a remotely progressive environment you can all quietly agree that it’s all make believe so why argue about whose fairy tale idol is better than the other.

You can be passionate about your team and even challenge others on the merit of the home-team selection. It’s all bullshit since these organizations (much like the one you work for) could really care less about you, but you’ll still defend them to the death. Men don’t truly care all that much about any sport, but it’s a good time waster at work and distraction from the bullshit at home.

Ladies, I can’t help you here. It’s well known you all hate each other anyways so I guess there’s no point in engaging in small talk. Best thing to do, as most of you already know, is to pick on the slow deer in the herd and revel in your mistreatment of her with the rest of the biddies.

For some reason passion, about your team can get quite vocal and intense, but never reaches the severity of politics and religion. I don’t know who decided sports were less important than make believe idols, but such is the case.

If you have a penis, and you don’t know shit about sports, pick one and start learning. If you think sports are just stupid and barbaric, then drop what you’re doing and go join the local fucking drama club (these are your people).