Be An Expense Report Retard

For those of you that travel for work, you know what a pain in the ass expense reports can be. Expense reports are kind of like bibliographies. Everyone has a different way of doing them (any of which are perfectly understandable), yet those in charge of these will no doubt bitch that the way you do it is incorrect. If I’ve gone on multiple trips with a multitude of business expenses, I absolutely dread the expense report to come. I’d rather file my taxes than fill that ER out.


My suggestion, is to basically act like a retard towards the accounting group in charge of processing your reports. What this will do is make them think slightly less of you, but at the same time feel sorry for you. They will bitch to themselves and some close colleagues about what a moron you are and how you can’t possibly walk and chew gum at the same time, but after a few trips, they will never confront you about this manufactured character flaw.

Don’t go overboard and try to expense items that may get you in trouble, but simply fill things out completely yet haphazardly. Smile as you hand your ER in, smile and say hi, and be on your way. You don’t want to befriend this person because then she’ll feel she can speak frankly with you about your shortcomings. Don’t be an asshole either, otherwise she will relish handing the report back to you with her required corrections. It’s a balance of pleasance, manufactured stupidity, and curtness, but this balance will offload a great deal of busy work from your plate.